Polarized Heart
by Skiescryblood
Summary: Sirius Black had everything at Hogwarts; he was smart without studying, had all the fun,had Remus Lupin practically to himself,the one thing Snape wanted more than anything. R&R rating just in case
1. The Darkness of the Night

The last story that I wrote was a one shot, so let me try a longer story. This is also the first time I'm working with characters that I don't own and I'm trying to tell their story without putting myself in as a character.

Polarized Heart

Chapter 1 – The Darkness of the Night

A boy sat alone in his dark chamber, a solitary candle burning on his desk where he was. Stooping over to have his face close to the paper, he furiously scribbled down the day's events into his journal. The sound of distant footsteps caused him to stop writing. Slowly he raised his head, his long black hair still touching the parchment, and quill in writing position. Someone was heading down the hall towards his room. No one ever came to his room unless he was in trouble or something bad was going to happen. Judging by the heaviness of the steps, it was his father coming. Hurriedly the boy blew out the candle and ran to get under the large bed. He fit easily as he was very thin, his long legs curling around him. Times like this he hated his life.

"Severus! Severus!" a harsh whisper cut through the room rushedly and angrily. "I know you're in here. I can smell the smoke from a freshly snuffed candle. And your stinking fear wreaks around your room in a way only you could cause. Get out from your hiding place you coward and face me like a man!" A few angry curses and mumbled invectives escaped the man's mouth, but did not reach the boy's ears. He lay there for a few seconds contemplating his next move. _He can't really know that I'm under here. He just wants to scare me into coming out. I won't give him the satisfaction of that…_ A few moments passed, neither one moving from their positions. Finally, after getting stiff in the joints and beginning to question himself, the older man turned to leave but stopping just outside of the door. With a wave of his wand, he made the sound of his retreating footsteps. The boy fell for the trap, slowly crawling out from under the bed. As soon as he had he regretted it. A strong hand wrapped around his small wrist causing immense pain and burning. The boy tried to call out, but the man had grabbed him by the neck with the other hand and threw him against the wall.

"How dare you disobey me boy!" he snarled. "When I give you an order, you damn well better follow it. I always knew you'd be a weak spot in our family. We'd be better off without you. If I had my way I would have killed you years ago, but your mother wouldn't have it, so you best be listenin' to me now." He let go of the boys neck. A fragile hand reached up to rub where the man's hand had just been, a lone tear of anger rolled down his cheek, hidden by the raven curtain of hair covering his face. The man paced the room a few times, looking up at the boy from time to time.

"I don't know what to do with you. Are we not good enough for you? Any other boy would kill to be in this family, but you take it for granted… I may have to teach you to appreciate it. For now, I need to finish that training we started last week… How is your studying? Seems to me you weren't working hard up here" his sharp eyes ran to the now empty desktop, then back to the boy. "I can't even look at you" and with this he stormed out of the room. The boy slid along the wall to the floor, a fire of hate burning holes in his young little heart.

The letter had come a few weeks ago. His father was furious that it hadn't come from Durmstrung, but Hogwarts was better than other schools. Deep inside of Severus was a longing to leave now, as though he couldn't leave fast enough. All sorts of strange events had started happening, and many kinds of folk had come to his house to talk with his father. This only fueled the fire inside of him further, never easing up to give the boy peace. He lay on his dark velvet bed, the hangings pulled open to watch the events of the house. The only light in his room was the blue light of the night coming in through the windows. He fit in perfectly with the shadows, dressed all in black, except his pearly white skin. He had always been pale, a sad effect of living inside his room his entire life. This was another reason going off to school would be good for him. Perhaps he could make friends now. Even his own brother wouldn't play with him, as Severus was too scared to venture freely through their large house. Severus knew the dark nature of his father was not safe, and neither were the lot he hung around with. On the contrary, his brother liked his father very much, and the feelings were returned. This had caused Severus to call his room sanctuary ever since he was five years old. After six years of holding your self prisoner with your own chamber as your dungeon, the thought of leaving seemed like an impossible dream. Yet here it was, the invitation to go to a school far away, live in the school, and not have to see his father for nine months.


	2. Old Friend, We Meet Again

A/N Hey. Thanks to my two reviewers, keep on reading! This story was inspired by my love for Snape, so I don't know how it will appear to you guys. This next part is more interesting (I hope) and longer (you're welcome PMH) so enjoy

Chapter 2 – Old Friend, We Meet Again

He had done the shopping all by himself. He had gone to the city before, but not in many years. On both occasions he had been with another family.

It was now the day to leave for school. His mother had taken him to the train station, and his father's words rung in his ears: "Don't screw up, boy."

He now stood alone on the platform, completely lost in a world he had never known. A small boy with tawny hair stood near him, hugging his parents good bye. The parents turned to leave, and the boy looked around at his surroundings. He spotted Severus watching him, and his cheeks turned a little pinker, his amber eyes looking to the ground. _This is the time to make friends, Severus!_ a voice said inside his head. He nodded and started to head towards the boy.

"Hey, um, do you know what we are supposed to do?" Severus found his voice to sound very strange, but the other boy didn't notice. He looked up at this dark stranger who was about a head taller than he was.

"Well, we have to put our luggage on the train, and then it's going to be leaving in about five minutes" was the quiet answer from the shy boy. He shook his bangs out of his eyes, and looked back up to Severus.

"Alright. Thanks." Severus brushed his hair over his shoulder and then turned to get his luggage. As he walked over to his things, he noticed two black haired boys walking over to the train. They were laughing quite loudly, and one voice was familiar to Severus, but he couldn't place it right away. They stopped next to the tawny haired boy, talked to him, and then the three of them went onto the train. _Darn it, they asked him first. What am I going to do now?_ He looked around at the others getting on the train, all of whom had friends. Something inside of him twinged as a red haired girl with brilliant green eyes strode past him. She smiled at him as she passed, and then stepped confidently onto the train.

All of the compartments were full, and something hurt inside as he passed the compartment with the three boys, who now had a fourth boy sitting in there with them. The fourth was small and mousy, and seemed to follow the boy with the glasses and wild hair. Of all the things on Severus' mind, making friends seemed to have taken first place. The feeling of being completely alone flooded over him, his chance to sit with boys his age gone. Standing outside of the compartment still, he stared at the tall black haired boy who seemed familiar. Severus had seen him before…it was killing him not to remember. This boy had an excellent smile, and a powerful laugh that brought smiles to all in the compartment. He looked out at Severus, the dark grey eyes meeting Severus' black ones, and Severus rushed down the aisle.

In the last compartment sat three students that were second years. They were talking and laughing, and Severus tried to pass on by but the blonde one saw him.

"Severus Snape, is that you?! Get in here!" The boy that had called out had white-blonde hair and cold grey eyes. Severus knew him as Lucious Malfoy. Lucious' father was an old friend of Severus' dad, and Severus' brother used to play with Lucious.

"Hey Lucious." Severus answered, quietly closing the compartment door behind him. He had never really hung out with Lucious, but he had always liked Severus.

"So you get to go to school with me, eh? We'll take care of you Snape. Stick with us, and we'll show you who is worthy of your presence." A sick smile crept over all three of the boys faces. "This is Crabbe and this is Goyle" Malfoy said pointing to the two boys with him.

The ride was long and Severus slept most of the way there. Malfoy was very happy to have him riding in the compartment with him, though the thought of being Malfoy's friend never crossed Severus' mind. Something about Malfoy made him uneasy, and many times he wished he had been in the compartment with the three boys instead of with Malfoy. If only he had gotten there first, maybe that other boy would be in here with Malfoy and Severus could be having a good time.

"Snape, wake up. When you get to school, they're going to sort you, so I'll see you in Slytherin." With this Malfoy got up and Crabbe and Goyle followed him out and off the train._ Of course he'd want me in Slytherin. I probably don't have a choice but to be in it…_ Severus stood up slowly, stretched, and then sleepily walked out and off of the train.

He caught sight of the other three boys heading towards a very tall man with jet black hair and soft black eyes. He was calling out to the first years. Trying desperately to be by the boys, Severus pushed and ran to catch up to them. A girl with white-blonde hair and a turned up nose grabbed hold of Severus' arm. He looked at her strangely, but she just pulled him into a boat with her and some other girl.

"Um, what's your name?" Severus asked, and once again his voice sounded strange to him. The other girl in the boat turned to answer, but the one with white-blonde hair elbowed her hard before answering for herself.

"I'm Narcissa Black. This is Pricilla Parkinson. You're going to be in Slytherin, correct?" She asked, raising a thin eyebrow at him. Severus nodded, assuming it must be true since everyone thought he would be.

"Good, because you have to be careful. I heard they let mud bloods into this school! How am I supposed to know who I can talk to?" She clucked disapprovingly, shaking her head. Looking back at him she added, "You don't remember me Severus? I knew who _you_ were right away." She stared at him for a few seconds, then realizing he didn't remember her, added "Our fathers are friends. I used to come over a lot when we were younger."

Racking his brain, a faint memory of him and this girl crossed his mind. There were three kids, playing tag and running around outside of Severus' house. There was Severus and Narcissa, and someone else… A young boy with a bright smile and a head full of dark hair was chasing Severus, causing Severus to run and hide and laugh too…

Severus sat back in the boat and started humming a Cat Stevens song that he had heard playing in the train station. _Why walk alone, why worry? OH Why? Why must you waste your life away…you must live for today. Oh lover, I want to spend this time with you. I can't keep it in and I've gotta let it out…_ he knew it went something like that.

The first years were all ushered into a great big hall, and while a teacher was explaining the sorting process all Severus could focus on was finding those three boys. He wanted to look at them, see if they possibly could be in Slytherin with him. It was a strange feeling inside of him, this weird urge to be near them. All he knew was that he had to be in the same house as them.

The sorting started out by alphabetical order. Severus calmed down as he had a long wait until he would be called. The first name he recognized was Narcissa. She walked up confidently and sat down on the stool. The hat was barely on her head when it screamed out "Slytherin!" She smiled and walked over to the table where Severus could see Lucious sitting with Crabbe and Goyle.

"Sirius Black!" was the next name called, and it came as a shock to Severus. The tall boy with black hair went up to the stool, and something finally clicked in Severus' mind. This boy was the one who had played tag with him and Narcissa! This was why he looked so familiar. If he was related to Narcissa, and had been allowed to play at the Snapes' home, perhaps he would be in Slytherin… a boy can dream anyway.

Sirius got picked to be in Gryffindor. Severus couldn't believe it. The tawny haired boy's name was Remus Lupin, and he too was in Gryffindor. The third boy, James Potter, joined his two new friends to Severus' frustration. He wished so badly to be allowed into Gryffindor. He didn't care about Narcissa or Lucious, he cared for the three boys in Gryffindor, and his only chance to be their friend would be to be in that house with them.

His turn came to step up to the stool. _Please put me in Gryffindor, please put me in Gryffindor!_ a frantic voice said in his head to the sorting hat perched upon it. _Gryffindor you say? I never would have thought that you would want to be in Gryffindor… I don't know what's gotten into you, but I have to be true to you, Severus, and you are a true_ "Slytherin!" The name rang through the hall, and a defeated Severus trudged to the empty seat beside Malfoy at the table.

"That's my boy" Malfoy said, giving him a hearty pat on the shoulder. Never before in Severus' life had he wanted so badly to just hide. Why was the world so bent upon making him suffer so in life? He looked over longingly at the Gryffindor table where James and Sirius already fit in with the rest of the house. Staring back at his own table, Severus saw only shrewd, cruel faces with nasty smiles and wicked laughter. No one he was interested in getting to know. This was going to be horrible.


	3. No One's Business

A/N This was really hard for me to write because I really, dearly love Sirius as well as Snape. I just feel that I have to tell it as it is, and that means showing Sirius' wicked side. These are not my characters, but I'm working with them anyway, which is very strange to me. I hope I've gone somewhere with this chapter. Thanks!

Chapter 3 – No Ones Business

Five years had come and gone before anyone realized the world was spinning. Severus had long black hair and deep brown eyes that stayed low to the ground and wandered, and he was now taller than most of the other students at Hogwarts, but he would have been taller if he stood up straight. He was even in height only with Sirius Black.

Potions had always been his easiest class, but it wasn't his favorite. Severus' favorite was the dark arts. It was the only thing he had ever done while at home, and now that he was in school he excelled at it. The only draw back to this year's class was a certain trio that were with him. Ever since his first year at Hogwarts, Severus had been completely alone in a sea of students. He of course had the old family friends who talked to him, but he never made any friends for himself. These days he was pretty lonely, staying up late into the night studying by himself in the common room. He thought that at least he should excel in the classroom if he couldn't fit in with the other students.

There was more than one reason why Severus hated Sirius and James. One reason was that they were very, very popular. All of the school knew and loved them, many girls swooned over them, though the latter didn't appeal to Severus. A second reason was that they were very talented wizards. It was a threat to Severus' talent, and they didn't have to stay up all night studying like he did. They were known to joke around and leave school grounds and do all sorts of things that were against the rules. Things that Severus wouldn't be able to get away with.

The third reason was that they stole Remus Lupin from him. This last reason no one had guessed at, and that was how Severus wanted it to remain.

As he saw it, Sirius could have any one in the school that he wanted, but he seemed to have chosen Remus. It tormented Severus to the verge of insanity how Sirius could get it all while he was left alone and hungry for life. Sirius was from a dark family as well, with a father who didn't love him, but he got to be happy and make friends and be in Gryffindor. It was one of the cruelest jokes life had ever played on a person, putting Sirius within sight of Severus. Sirius got to walk around all proud as though it were no one's business, while Severus banished himself to dark corners and side hallways. But what really pushed the limit was Severus' growing feelings for Remus.

It didn't seem unreasonable that Remus could get along with Severus. He was the quiet, contemplative one of their group. Dumbledore had made him prefect, a sign that he was a good and trustworthy guy. Snape didn't like to call it stalking, what he did to Remus. It was more of an obsession, but it hadn't become unhealthy yet. He knew that Remus had a secret, and Severus was going to find out about it if it killed him.

Late at night, not many people stayed in the Slytherin common room. Being in a dungeon made it cool and damp, not very inviting to sleepy students. Severus found it to be quite comfortable in fact, and spent the majority of his time in it. His potions professor had given him a special assignment, and Severus was trying to get it done early to impress him. There was a special connection between the two that Severus couldn't yet understand. He was still young and naïve. There was one professor who was less than impressed by Severus. The Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor seemed to have it out for him. All that Severus ever did to that man was come to that class, knowing the entire text book by heart. But his professor had called him an "insufferable know-it-all" on the very first class. Sirius had enjoyed this thoroughly.

The relationship between Severus and Sirius had not ripened with time. In fact, it had gone as sour as grapes can get. Every chance that Sirius had he punished Severus through torture and bullying. Where it had gone wrong, Severus had no idea. All he knew was that Sirius was trouble to him on many levels. Many. This of course could not stop him from trying to get closer to Remus. In class Severus would sit there and stare at the beautiful boy, sandy hair falling over his amber eyes. Never had Severus seen such golden beauty as that that radiated off of Remus. He was the one sunny spot in his otherwise dark and gloomy days. But if Remus ever looked up to see Severus watching, Severus' eyes dropped and he would lower himself to work and try not to seem interested. It was so hard to talk to him with Sirius in the way. He would have to make an extra effort for this to work out, because things weren't going anywhere at the moment.


	4. Your Noise has Broken My Defense

A/N I know that this is STILL a short chapter, and I'm sorry, it's just that this is really hard for me to write. My feelings for Snape are so much that I have no choice but to express them, but I want to do it once and the right way. I'm glad that so many of you are enjoying this, and thank you to all of my reviewers. I've found that listening to Josh Groban's first cd helps me to write this.

Chapter 4 – Your Noise Has Broken My Defense

Severus' life had many long periods of alone time. Once in a while Lucius would ask him to hang out with him, but that was rare as he was quite popular. One issue that Lucius loved to press was the importance of association. Only purebloods were worthy of Severus' time and attention according to Lucius. Severus' father had enforced these ideas as well, but one part of Severus didn't want to think like that. One part of him thought that all wizards were at least better off than muggles and that it was okay to be muggle-born. That part of him was that felt attracted to dear little half-breed Remus.

Remus had a secret, and Severus had only just noticed that it was present. In the years before nothing had been obvious, but now James and Sirius knew of something as well. To think that Sirius knew something about Remus, something like a secret, that Severus didn't know… it hurt deep down inside like an ache that couldn't be soothed.

Meals were never fun for Severus. He would sit alone at his table, maybe next to where Lucius and his friends were sitting, but alone all the same. Two tables over sat four boys, two of them completely absorbed with each other's company, and the other two smaller boys sat quietly thinking. Or chewing in Peter's case. This particular day at lunch something else happened. Remus Lupin looked up from where he had been staring to meet his amber gaze with that of Severus' brown one. Neither one of them moved their eyes until the crowd began to stir and continue on their day. Both boys hurriedly grabbed their stuff and then walked out of the hall. This was the beginning of something for both boys.

Potions class had always been Gryffindor and Slytherin together for as long as Severus could remember. This of course was his best class, but he was having trouble concentrating today. Remus wouldn't stop watching him, and it was making him very nervous. Sure enough, after class the mousy boy came over to Severus' table as he was packing up. His breath got short as he got nervous, and he turned to see Remus having the same problem. A small smile escaped the small boys lips, and it was returned.

"Hi, er…do you think you could help me out with something?" Remus asked. _So that's why he's looking at me. He wants something. I should have known._ Severus turned back to his things and continued to pack up.

"What did you have in mind, Lupin?" The last word came out sharp, and Remus took a step back. Severus wanted to feel pleased that he had scared him, but he couldn't help but want the boy's attention.

"Er, well,…you're very good at Potions. And I'm not. So, maybe you could tutor me or something? I mean, if you have the time, and you wouldn't mind…" he trailed off as Severus started to walk away. Remus struggled to keep up with Severus strides, the tall boy's legs being much longer than the other boy. A small smile crept up onto Severus' face, thinking that he had Remus Lupin following him at last. He stopped quickly and spun around only to have Remus bump right into him. Not a bad result.

"What do I get out of it? If I help you, what will you do for me?" Snape narrowed his eyes a little, but saw the look on Remus' face and softened his own.

"Um, well, what did you have in mind for payment? I could maybe help you in another area, or something. I'm quite good at divination, and um,…" Severus stopped him from going on.

"We'll figure it out later. Meet me in the library tomorrow night after dinner. We'll start then." He turned to walk away, a strange feeling growing inside of him. This day had been the first in a long while where something worth remembering happened. For the first time he went to bed excited to wake up the next morning and live, instead of wishing he would just die in his sleep and live in the world of dreams for ever more.


	5. For the Love of Power

A/N: Ok, I just came back from PoA (for the fourth time) and I really love that movie! I feel bad for the other people who have to be in the theatre with me because I laugh really loud and hard at points that shouldn't be funny. It's all because I read so many fan fics that I see things going on no one else sees. Today when Tom Felton came on the screen I shouted "Peagreen" because that was who he was in The Borrowers (he's so cute, you should see it). Also, at the part with Harry, Snape, and Lupin in the hallway I was making little sobbing noises because I love those two. Werewolf scene, holla! Oh, this chapter is about me developing Lucius and Narcissa as a couple, but all my slash girls I promise action will be happening soon!

**Polarized Hearts**

Chapter 5 – For the Love of Power

It's tough work, being powerful, rich, and beautiful. Arthur Weasley was lacking in a few of these areas, and Lucius felt they could never see eye to eye. Why would a pure blood be willing to blow it for all of the other purebloods by talking to stinking mudbloods? The Weasleys were as old and solid in lineage as Malfoy, maybe even purer. There was that scandal where Lucius' aunt had an affair with a half-breed.

On the upside, things were going well with Lucius and Severus. The boy was coming along nicely as far as following any order Lucius gave him. It appeared that he was beginning to think like Lucius as well, sneering at muggles and muggle-borns.

Narcissa was not easy to please. Lucius had noticed her in his fourth year, and had been "going with her" since his fifth year. She insisted upon Lucius paying all of his attention to her and only her, but this wish was never met. He had begun to explore the world of the Dark Arts as Severus was, and found it far more fascinating than Narcissa ever proved to be.

In the common room that night, Severus sat at his usual table working on assignments. Only this night he was having trouble focusing on the history paper he was bent over. A hand found it's way to Severus' shoulder and shook him firmly out of his daydream. Taking a moment to adjust to the light of the room, his eyes focused on Lucius' face before him. He had a wide smile, and Narcissa was standing a bit behind him looking fairly nervous. Something inside of Severus panged for the girl, even though he didn't particularly like her.

"Sev, I need you to help me with that paper I talked to you about earlier. My father said if it is finished tonight he can send it out and see about my position." He peered expectantly at Severus, who showed no emotion on his pale face.

"When did you want to work on it? I'm a little busy at the moment-"

"Not now, I'm busy too" Lucius smiled back at Narcissa, who jumped up from the chair she had been resting in. "I'll come out to you in, say, an hour or so?" The smile grew on his lips and he walked over to Narcissa, one arm wrapping around her shoulders as he led her up the stairs to the dormitories. A shiver ran through Severus, realization of what Lucius was doing hitting him. The thought seemed revolting, yet…the image of a boy with soft brown hair and warm, golden eyes staring at him revolved around his head for a few moments.

They had a study date tomorrow night. What had he gotten himself into? Had he seemed angry enough that Remus talked to him? This was going to be difficult… Severus had to come up with some sort of payment for the lesson. It would be too obvious to Remus otherwise. The reward that Severus really wanted deep down inside was most likely out of the question.

An awful thought popped into Severus' mind as well as all of the nice ones. What would happen if Lucius found out? _Nothing would happen. Stop being ridiculous. All you are doing is helping him with some homework. He can't stop you from just helping them…_ Or could he? Severus knew that Lucius had a growing influence on his decisions. He didn't see any danger at the moment, except their most recent project together was to get him a higher position at the ministry. He was only a sixth year, but he was already kissing up to all of the ministry. When Lucius wants something, he usually gets it.

This brought Severus' mind back to what Lucius was doing up in the room. Poor Narcissa had no idea what she was getting into. At least that was how Severus saw it.

Narcissa had first seen Lucius her first year at Hogwarts. He had led her to believe that she needed him, but what she was really attracted to was his power. He could get everything he wanted, any time, anywhere. She liked a man with connections. With her upbringing, she had slim pickings as far as guys. But Lucius filled all of the categories she wanted. That's why she had agreed to make him happy. Not that she really had a choice.

Her body moved in jerky, nervous movements. He watched her dance around for a few moments before getting up and grabbing her waist. She wasn't sure what he was doing, but he dragged her down onto his bed, and it became clear he didn't care for her show. He began to slowly kiss her face, moving down her neck, his hands moving in lower parallels. There was no need to do anything back, as he seemed to not even realize she was really there. She made soft noises to encourage him on, things progressing in time.

The soft sunlight hit her pale face, her hair covering her in a light blanket. Brushing it off her face, she wrapped a thin arm around Lucius' waist. She was surprised at how happy and content she felt to be lying next to him. A dull ache throbbed as she rolled over to rest her head on his slowly rising chest, her breath becoming jagged for a moment. He stirred a little, the world of dreams not yet releasing him.

Severus had waited up for a long while to see if Lucius would come down. Knowing the worst had happened when he didn't show up, he packed up and went to his own room. The other four boys were long time asleep, peaceful sounds of rhythmic breathing filling the room. Tomorrow he would get to meet Remus Lupin one on one, no Sirius to get in the way of their relationship. What ever that relationship would prove to be.

There were a few questions playing in his mind. Questions you would ask an older brother. Naturally, Severus thought to ask Lucius of their answers. It was a Saturday morning, so breakfast was longer and less regulated. Severus woke up bright and early, having only a piece of toast and some orange juice for breakfast. Scanning the room for Remus, he saw that the young boy was not down yet. An image of Remus' sweet face sleeping in a bed with golden sun shining like his eyes swam past Severus' consciousness, seizing a moment of dreaminess in his life. He remembered why he had gotten up early, and got up to go visit Lucius.

He had been to Lucius' room on several occasions. It was down the hall four doors and to the left of Severus' room. He walked down the dark corridor, reaching the door a little short of breath. He had the feeling something was going to happen soon. He marched in to find all of the beds empty except for Lucius', which had the curtains pulled shut. _He's still sleeping, the lazy lot. I'll have to wake him up._ Severus peeled back the curtain to reveal two bodies in the bed. The curtains had made a loud squealing noise as they pulled back, waking both of the sleepers.

Narcissa and Lucius stared up at Severus, who was standing there feeling quite stupid. Narcissa was the first to move, as she reached down and picked up Lucius' shirt and threw it on. Lucius looked at her expectantly, but she only returned the look and doing so winning the battle.

"Severus, do you mind meeting me down in the great hall? We could maybe talk over breakfast" He looked back at Severus as though the issue was closed for discussion. Still not sure of what was going on, Severus turned and left. He sat in the common room for a while, then decided to go and study in the library. Just as he was buried in a pile of books about werewolves, animagi, and other magical sorts that had caught his attention, a dark shadow blocked his reading light. Severus began to raise his head, his eyes narrowing to focus on the person in front of him, his heart pausing a moment in surprise.

A/N: I drew a picture from this story of Severus and Remus, and I just got a beautiful new scanner (fun toy!!) so if you're interested email me! Also, the more reviews I get, the more motivated I am to go all the way down to my basement and write this, so please review!! I would love you forever and always.


	6. The Addiction Begins

A/N: I'm so sorry you guys. I'm sure you all thought that I've neglected you and ran away with Sevvie and Remmie myself, and that was not the intention. waves to kidnapped and chained Severus and Remus in basement Things just got rediculous with my job and my mom took off work (which meant I couldn't sneak into her room and illegally use the internet all day ) and now school's back. My personal Malfoy that used to work with me quit! He's at college now, so he didn't want to have to work any more. I did get what I wanted though: a ride home in his ghetto cruiser! Life really blows sometimes…but hopefully my story will be better than my life. Read and Review!

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Polarized Hearts

Chapter 6 – The Addiction Begins

A tall figure stood before him. The boy was quite handsome; Severus could not help but be jealous of him. Every where he went heads turned to watch him, and yet he was oblivious (or appeared to be) to all of the attention he received. His focus was on his friends; boys he was willing to devote his life to at any means. Severus couldn't understand this kind of selflessness and Sirius knew this.

A strong hand lay down hard on Severus' shoulder, the other sprawled across the open book Severus had been reading. He had no choice but to look up at the face peering down at him. Deep grey wolf eyes poked out from behind hair so black it shone blue, an affect that made anyone looking at it think of the moonlight. Seeing Sirius this early was a shock to Severus' system, especially on a day where he was nervous enough just to see Remus.

"Snivellus, I need to talk to you." He pulled out a chair and straddled the back facing Severus. Taking a deep breath, Severus prepared himself to listen to the boy. "I don't know of any other way but this, so I'll say it. You better stay away from Remus, because if you try anything with him I'll kill you. I swear it, I will."

Severus stared blankly back.

"Why the hell would I try anything with him. He's the one who came to me-"

"Just stay away from him, _Snivellus_, or else" With that he smoothly left with out a glance back at Severus. _I hate it when he calls me that. He knows that. He must not trust Remus…perhaps there is trouble in paradise…_

The day passed on as slowly as it ever had in Severus' young life, making the wait harder and harder for him. Finally it was time to meet Remus.

He glanced into the mirror one last time, still not liking the pale face scowling back. A thought had passed earlier on taking a shower, but Severus decided it would be too much of a drastic change just for a study session. All he needed was for this to look like a date or something. Even though that is how he was thinking about it.

Remus arrived early, as was his way, but Severus was already waiting at a corner table. The smaller boy was not sure as to how to handle this, the taller one hidden in shadows but for his face. Severus looked up to find Remus watching him, and both boys grew a little pinker and hotter in the face.

"Er, have a seat?" Severus offered. Remus nodded shyly and sat down quickly, sneaking looks at the other boy through the long bangs in his face.

"Where do you think we should start?"

"Well, where do you think you need the most help in right away?"

"Erm, well, …" Remus trailed off, wondering what he had gotten himself into.

The awkwardness of the situation did not die away completely, but the tension did ease a bit. As time went by, the boys had a good time together. The enjoyment of each other's company kept the smiles coming and the learning easy.

Walking down the hallway together towards their common rooms, the boys paused outside of a painting of two young lads laying underneath a tree. Both Severus and Remus looked away from the picture to blush, and instead looked at each other.

"Do you want to meet me again? For a study session, of course" Severus looked hopeful through a gap in his hair. A shadow fell on the fair golden one, and so did Severus' spirit. "It's Sirius, isn't it?"

Remus' head popped up in surprise. "What? How, um…well, yes. He thinks…" The words on the tip of Remus' tongue did not want to come off. "I'd really like to meet again, but we have to keep it secret. Is that ok?" Severus tried not to glare. How could he expect him to just keep it a secret when it was exactly what he had wanted for five years? Was Remus ashamed of him? No, of course not. It was just that Sirius had expected them to get along, and perhaps he was scared that Severus would win him over.

"I suppose. I'll have to make sure that it is okay with my busy schedule."

"Er, if that was a yes, I think I know a place that we can meet in…" The conversation had become a bit sharp at the mention of Sirius. The sound of footsteps disrupted the two wizards' thoughts, and they quickly dispersed for the night.

What is this place he knows of? I think that I am right about Remus and Sirius…I'll just have to change that. Severus' thoughts were cut short once again by the sight waiting for him in the common room.

A very angry Lucius sat on a couch near to the table that Severus usually worked at. A nervous feeling slowly rose in Severus' stomach, and he approached the couch cautiously.

"Oh hello Severus. So nice of you to meet me when you said you would. Tell me, did anything important happen today?" Severus knew that to him it was important, but to Lucius it wouldn't be important enough. Not enough to miss a talk with dear old Malfoy.

"I had to tutor some rotten Gryffindor. I lost track of time it went so slow. I'm sorry" Severus offered as an excuse and tried to walk on by. It was not wise to be around Lucius when his temper was flaring, as he had a blinding rage.

"You expect me to believe that you missed out on a meeting with me to talk to some filthy Gryff? What do you take me for Snape? Honestly. Tell me, who is she?" Severus sat there puzzled for a moment, not quite sure of the meaning of Lucius' words. When it did hit him, he smiled to himself. _He thinks I've got a girlfriend. He can wish. I need much more commitment than whatever desire of the flesh some stupid girl would have. I need someone who is willing to give me the same that they wish in return. The VERY same in return._

Lucius saw a small smile forming on Severus' face and he knew he was right. Severus had skipped out on him to be with someone he fancied. _Well, well, well, little Sevvie is finally in love. I can only hope she feels the same._ Lucius felt a swelling as that of pride a father might feel, and he stood up to get on to bed.

"Sorry about walking in on you and Narcissa this morning" Severus said as he reached his door. Lucius waved it off and yawned, spitting out a good night.

Lying in bed proved only to drive Severus insane. Memories of his sour and lonely life usually played over in his mind, but tonight something else had reserved the theatre. Remus Lupin and Severus together in a golden room, smiling and laughing. The scene would change to a darker room, with a bed or a couch. Sometimes the boys would be in the library working and suddenly be distracted by each other. Severus liked this one the best as he could play it backward and forward and actually believe it could happen. Hour after hour Severus could feel sleep calling him, but he pushed it out of his mind and listened to the soft voice of Remus instead. It was only a short while before the sun rose that Severus slept.

He had had several study sessions so far, each going progressively well. Last night's session had been in the room of requirements, and he and Severus had gotten to know each other even better by having nice long conversations. Sirius had of course found out that they were still meeting, and was on the verge of fighting with Remus every time the topic came up.

Remus came into the great hall on his own. He had had a bit of trouble going to sleep the night before, staring out the window that was beside his bed. Oh how he hated the moon. So many people loved it, and would think of it as romantic, yet all he could see was the pain he felt from it every month of his life since he was four.

He could see Sirius, James, and Peter at the table already talking and ready for Sunday. Rubbing his eyes he took his seat beside Sirius.

"Morning love. You didn't sleep much last night, did you? James says you made all sorts of sounds before he fell asleep" Sirius looked curiously at Remus, who hurriedly picked up a piece of toast and some eggs.

"How did your study thing go with Snape the Snake?" James asked through a mouth full of porridge and raisins. Peter nodded eagerly, but Sirius just readjusted in his seat impatiently and reached for another biscuit.

"Er,…it went well. I think." Remus swallowed his food and glanced at Sirius sideways as he sipped his juice.

"I suppose it would go well since you didn't say anything about it yet" Sirius responded curtly before ripping his biscuit roughly in half. He stood up to leave, and Remus knew he should follow. He grabbed a few more sausages and then trotted after Sirius' retreating forms. On the way out they passed Severus, who was just entering the great hall. Both Remus and Severus stopped in their tracks, but Sirius brushed past like he saw nothing. Finally Severus nodded and continued in to eat, leaving Remus to run after Sirius.

"Sirius, wait! Hang on, why are you so angry with me?" Remus caught up to Sirius, a little out of breath, and steadied himself as Sirius whirled around to look at him.

"Do you think that I'm so stupid that I can't see what's going on?"

" Sirius, nothing is going on! We just worked on my potions skills, and we ran a little late, that's all!" Remus pleaded with his eyes for Sirius to believe him.

"You're in love with Severus! Don't lie to me!" Remus had no idea how to respond, and instead of answering let his mouth hang open as he thought about what to say.

"I knew it. Don't even try to come after me. Go and have a great full moon Remus." With that he stormed off in the direction of the dormitories. _Not fair. The common room is mine too!_ Thought Remus although he had no desire to go there. A better idea came into his head, and he headed back into the great hall as James and Peter left.

A/N: Okay, so what'd you think? The next chapter things really heat up, and it only took me three months to write it (I'm so sorry). I can't wait to post it up, so the more reviews I get the more motivated I am to write more and post more so **REVIEW PLEASE!!!**


	7. I Could Love You Better

A/N: Hey guys, I know it's been a LONG time, and I'm soooo sorry! **makes guilty face** I promise, I'm so sorry. Just with school and work I've been so busy I couldn't even write until now (christmas break). I'll admit that part of it was that I was having major doubts on this story and a mild case of writer's block, but since all of you gave me such great reviews I decided to come back just for you guys, my readers! I really do love all of you, and I hope you like the new adventures I have in store for you! I'm writing chapter 8 right now, and I can't WAIT for you guys to read it!! I finally got to the action, so here's chapter 7 (finally ) -Terry 

**Polarized Heart**

Chapter 7 – I Could Love You Better

Remus could see James and Peter walking out of the hall and towards the courtyard. Pressing himself against the wall as they passed, he slipped into the hall and looked around. Sitting alone at the Slytherin table was Severus, and Remus knew what he had to do.

Severus had seen the look on Remus' face as he chased after Sirius. The two had been going out for a few months, maybe longer for all that Severus knew. What Remus had told him was that Sirius had finally confessed to him what he had been feeling for some time. Once again Severus was reminded of the pain he felt for not being in Gryffindor.

Looking up from the muffin he was buttering, Severus could see a scene that lifted his spirits. James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were leaving the great hall, but Severus could see a little figure hiding behind one of the huge doors to the entrance. The figure was none other than Remus Lupin.

Now why Remus would be hiding from his friends is an interesting question. It was obvious that he didn't want to be seen by them, yet he was coming back into the hall, and surely not to eat all by himself.

Sure as the sun rises and sets Remus entered the hall, and looked around for someone. His eyes fell onto Severus, who had dug into his porridge as though he hadn't noticed the werewolf's presence. Marching determinedly towards the Slytherin table, Remus prepared himself for what he would say. He wasn't sure if he and Sirius had actually broken up or not, but he did know that he needed some immediate attention.

"Severus, do you er…mind if I join you?" The slighter boy timidly sat down across from the moody teenager and felt very out of place. Raising his head just enough to cast a dark look at Remus, Severus spoke.

"Sure, why not. Having trouble with your boyfriend, are you?" He looked right into Remus' eyes, warning him he would not be a fall back. Thoughts of doubt crossed Remus' mind as to why he came running to this boy who seemed to dislike him. But there were some questions to be asked.

"Well, as a matter of fact yes. We were fighting about me and you, if you must know." An awkward moment passed where Severus felt it necessary to chew his porridge and get more juice.

"Why the hell would you be talking about me and you, let alone fight about it?"

"Severus, last night…did you feel the connection between us? Please tell me I'm not being crazy and throwing everything with Sirius away." He looked as though he would cry if Severus didn't tell him that it was all real. But knowing Severus, he didn't know how to trust or even how to be nice to someone he cared for. So he went on torturing the young wolf.

"A connection? Like you actually got what I was teaching? No, I think you're daft as all get out." He poured some raisins into his porridge and made a face as he tried it.

"Never mind, this was really stupid of me to come over here. Really stupid" Remus stood up to leave, and the inner Snape begged him to sit back down. _You're killing him Severus! Why do you have to be so mean. You care about this guy, why don't you show it!!_

"Remus wait! I, um,…I think I know what you mean. About the connection." He attempted to smile, and Remus took the offer.

"Want to go somewhere else where we could talk? I'd really appreciate it if you could." For the better of both boys, they walked out to the courtyard together.

It was a chilly day and Remus had no coat to protect him from the icy winds that blew down from the mountains around them. Severus watched him shiver for a few moments and then took off his sweater.

"Do you, er, …want my sweater? You look very cold" Severus offered, and a bright smile on Remus' face was his reward.

"Thanks! I didn't know it was this cold out. I guess it would be since holiday break is approaching. I'm stuck here at school for holiday. How about you, are you going home?" Severus looked at him strangely, thinking about his answer. He was staying too, and was now excited to hear that Remus was too.

"Yeah, I always stay here. I only go home when I have too. I know my father likes it that way." He stared off into the mountains, mist rising off of them.

"I can't imagine not wanting to go home. I love my family, and I miss them a lot, but I can't." Images of Remus' beautiful mother and compassionate father swam past his eyes, and his longing for home panged loudly.

The thought of the full moon that was to fall in the middle of break was at the top of his reasons not to go home. He was always moody and extremely sensitive around his transformation time, and it would only hurt him more to know that he bothered his family with this trouble. It had been the final push for him to go to Hogwarts, the idea of his family having a break from his wolf form.

"What happened with you and Sirius" Severus asked coldly with little enthusiasm. Remus looked at the boy for a moment considering his answer.

"I don't really know. I know that he loves me, and I was sure that he knew I loved him…he's so stubborn some times. .. You don't want to hear about this" Severus took a step closer to the small shivering boy.

"Eau contraire, I am interested. Very interested." Their faces close together, breath mingling as one, Severus continued "You see, I know already that the argument was about me, so I'm involved now. I can't quit something that I'm involved in."

Severus was now smiling, a sight that Remus had wanted to see since he woke up that morning, but it was an uncomfortable situation the two were in at the moment. With a sudden step back, Severus stood up straight.

"I thought so." He turned and walked over to some stone benches, patting the space beside him. He was surprised by how assertive he was being, but something inside told him he would have to be.

"What do you mean 'I thought so?'" He padded over to the bench and sat down. "To tell the truth, I'm so confused about everything right now, and your behavior isn't omitted from that." He blinked twice for emphasis.

"Don't get me wrong Remus, but didn't we come out here to talk about what ever is going on so we can straighten things out?" Severus laughed to himself thinking of straightening out Remus. Never going to happen.

"No, you're right. I did want to come out here to talk to you, but not necessarily about Sirius and me. But since you seem to want to talk about it, I guess it's open for discussion."

"Alright, good. What happened at breakfast?" Severus watched as Remus kicked his foot around in the dirt, his delicate hands gripping the edge of the bench. Taking a deep breath, Remus began to talk.

"Well, I think it started last night actually. Sirius had told me that he had something special planned, but I had to cancel because of our study session. This ticked him off beyond reason, and he told me he wouldn't wait up for me. So I came back to our room afterward, and I couldn't go to sleep because I…felt weird" Remus' pause had aroused Severus' curiosity, but he continued with the story.

"But, when I woke up this morning every one was up already, so I had to come down all by myself. I guess Sirius had been dwelling on things all night because he didn't even give me a chance this morning to say anything." His eyes were fixed on the leaves covering the ground but not really seeing them. Severus' arm hovered behind Remus, then lowered back down onto the bench to grip the back.

"So, that's how you got here…stuck with me, eh?" He raised an eyebrow at Remus, but the small boy only shook his head.

"No, it's not like that and you know it! Why are you pushing me like this?" An angry puff of air blew out his mouth and he stood up quickly. "Severus, I know that you…I'm tired of playing these games with you. Do you like me?" Severus' eyes shot up in a flash, his face dropping with surprise. _How am I supposed to answer this one? I tried to be assertive and all it got me was in trouble…Life really blows some times._

Severus was incredibly unsure of how to respond. He was still perched on the bench, and Remus was now standing directly in front of him. _I could pretend that I don't know what he means, but he seems to be getting irritated with me._

"Severus, this was a mis-"

"Yes Remus!" Severus yelled as he stood up.

"What, yes it was a mistake?"

"What? No, yes to your question" Both boys stood staring for a few moments, a new awkwardness arising with their stance.

"Well, that's a load off of my shoulders" Severus announced, raising his eyebrows and shrugging his shoulders. Remus had a similar reaction to his words.

"So, what should we do about this? Because I feel the same way…"

"You wanna give Orion White a break and give me a try?" This new side was surprising to both, but Remus was happy to meet it. He considered the proposal for a few moments and then turned to Severus.

"I think it's worth a shot. For now, let's go inside, I'm freezing!" The two boys walked inside of the castle side by side, one experiencing the first real happy moment of his life.

AN: Hopefully I'll get chap 8 up soon, I'm sooo excited for you guys to read it. As always, read and REVIEW! You guys are pretty good about reviewing, I just hope you haven't given up on this story…looks out to see if anyone is there as she rocks out to "Dark Lady" by Cher


	8. Love's Many Faces

A/N: SO SO Sorry that it's taken this long. My computer's disk drive was broken so I couldn't get my story up on the internet! But, I figured it out, so here it is! I've been so excited to get this one out (as Treana knows) and I think that you'll really like it. I think that for the next couple of chapters I may have to up the rating, but we'll see. I'll make sure to tell you if I do. So enjoy, read, and REVIEW! Thanks -Terry

**Polarized Heart**

Chapter 8 - Love's Many Faces

The days flew by for the first time in Severus' memory. He and Remus weren't

exactly the couple he had imagined, but they wre indeed a couple and that was all

that mattered. It was hard finding time for just the two of them, and they often

ended up in the library. Tonight was no different. The boys had sat next to each

other in all of their classes together, ate meals facing each other, and then walked

through the halls after hours.

They stepped into the library, Severus letting Remus in before him and

holding the door open. Amber eyes closed for a second and four ivory cheeks

blushed.

"You know Sev, I have a really good time with you lately."

"Me too."

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Uh, sure, I guess." Remus played with Severus' sleeve for a moment not looking

up. "I wasn't sure how to act around you at first. I mean, I thoguth you were so

deep that you'd find me…well, kind of dumb. But in fact, you make me feel

smarter than anyone else…" (A/N: I have writers block lalalalala….)

"Don't take this personally Remmie, but I'm not really in the mood for a

personal little heart to heart tonight." He lifted Remus' head in his hand in a way

that Remus had no doubt what exactly it was that he was in the mood for. A

devious glint shone in the Slytherin's eyes, and his body itched with anticipation.

"Severus, we haven't done anything yet. Don't you want to have an emotional

connection with me fir-"

"To hell with emotional crap Rem, you know exactly what kind of a connection

I want with you." Remus' eyes popped open and his face burned. Was this a

joke? Was he supposed to be offended? All that Remus could think of was how

attractive Severus was when he was like this and how badly he wanted to give in.

The two stared at each other a moment, and Severus felt his stomach lurch. He

had never even kissed his won parents let alone someone he cared about, but here

he was with Remus Lupin about to exchange saliva. They leaned in and, like hands

in prayer, their lips met. Severus stayed for a moment and then pulled back, his

eyes wide open and watching Remus. _That's not at all what I thought it would _

_be like. Shouldn't there be lights and sparks and stuff? Did I do it wrong? _

_What is he thinking?_ Severus' mind raced as he looked at the delicate eyes

before him. The lids slowly opened, and a smile was behind them. Severus closed

his eyes and leaned back into the Gryffindor. Soft lips met his, and this time a chill

went up his spine. Something warm worked its way in between Severus' lips and

into his mouth. _Holy Cow! I don't believe this is happening…_ The kiss

intensified and Severus suddenly felt his hands on Remus, Remus' arms wrapping

around him.

It felt like nothing Severus had ever experienced, and he suddenly pulled back

to get some breath. Both boys panted and leaned back in their chairs.

"Well,…not exactly what I was planning for tonight…" Remus said quietly, a

small smile on his lips as he looked at Severus. As the two considered what to do

next, Lucius burst into the library.

"Severus, come, now!" His eyes were wild and he was breathless as though he

had run the whole way. He sneered at Remus a moment and practically dragged

Severus out of the room before either could say anthing to each other. Once they

were well away from the library Lucius turned to Severus as they sprinted. "I

don't know what was going on in there, but I don't want to see it again."

At last they had reached the dungeons of the Slytherin common room where

Severus finally saw what the urgency was. Lying motionless in the middle of the

room was Narcissa.

"How long is this going to take, Snape?" Lucius asked impatiently over

Severus' shoulder. The younger boy worked furiously over a small cauldron

where a purple potion was slowly bubbling. The two boys sat in the corner of the

common room by the fireplace, but at the moment it was the coldest part of the

dungeon.

"If you want it to work properly you're going to have to stop breathing down

my neck and making me lose my concentration" Severus said slyly. The blonde

backed off a little, his eyes trailing over to where Narcissa was spread across the

couch.

"You sure this is going to work?" Lucius asked quietly, slowly sitting down next

to Severus but never taking his eyes off of her.

"If I focus on what I'm doing it will go exactly how I planned." He placed the

last ingredients in and waved his wand to stir it. His eyes slowly met Lucius and his

stomach lurched. There was a longing in his eyes, something that Severus

understood only too well…

"Lucius, what are you thinking about?" The look still in his eyes, Lucius scooted

closer to Severus. A small grin was playing on his lips and Severus grew more and

more nervous.

"You want to know what I'm thinking about? I'm thinking about why Narcissa

is out cold way over there, but you and I are over here, together…" His words

trailed off as the gap between them was closing.

"Th-that's an interesting question…" Severus stammered as he backed away

from him. The room was suddenly very hot and it made him extremely conscious

of the fact that they were the only ones in the room. "Um…what exactly _did_

happen to her while I was gone? Lucius' smile faltered for a second, something

flickering in his eyes that was more than just the reflection of the fire.

"Hmm…you want to know what happened to her? I'll tell you what happened

to her…" His face was so close to Severus' that his hot breath hit right onto the

other boy's lips. Scooting his chair out, Severus stood up and quickly walked over

to Narcissa. Her eyes were closed and her face was very relaxed. TO anyone

passing by she would have appeared to be sleeping. Footsteps came in slow steps

behind him and Severus straightened up in his anticipation. Lucius came to a stop

right next to him.

"I poisoned her Sev, I poured toxins into her drink." His words came out a hot

whisper into Severus' ear. Severus' eyes popped open, and he stared at her limp

body before him.

"Why would you do that…I thought you loved her…" His voice full of disbelief,

he waited to hear Lucius' response.

"I don love her. But there is some-…_thing_ else I need tonight…and it would

have killed her to know the truth…" He gently licked Severus' neck, his hands

gripping the other boy's sides. Severus' eyes clamped shut and he pried Lucius'

hands off, turning around to face him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Severus asked, staring at Lucius

incredulously. Lucius grinned wickedly and moved up close to Severus, his breath

mingling with Severus' angry breath. Fear and hurt was playing in the silver eyes,

and Severus couldn't quite recognize it. All he knew was that he didn't like where

this was going. Lucius' hand slowly stroked Severus' hair, sending an unwanted

chill down his spine. Severus felt himself backing up against the couch. "Lucius,

what is going on?"

Instead of replying verbally, Lucius put his hand over Severus' mouth and pu

shed him down on the couch, a sick grin upon his lips. With the movement of

Lucius, Severus let out a gasp, his eyes rolling up to stare at the ceiling.

A/N: So did you like it? I hope you did. I've got tons more in store, so if you like this and want me to update sooner tell your friends about this story and REVIEW like crazy!I'll love you guys, seriously, and I really will write more. The fact that you guys still read this made me come back to this story after I disappeared for 3 months, so I really do appreciate all the reviews. If you want to talk to me my aim sn is SuperTizzy007 or you could email me. Check out my art for this story at www.truebluetiz.


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